【Theory】Negative emotion type and control



This time I have summarized the handling of troubled negative feelings.



I have often quarreled with my daughter-in-law since the beginning of my marriage.

It's almost 5 month's newlywed, but I have three quarrels a month.

This is not good though it is a newlywed.



The other day, I became embarrassed, and my wife had left a little away.

Since I was able to think for myself alone for the first time in a long time,

I thought about various things alone.



As a result of thinking, I thought that I do not want to divorce.

So to avoid the crisis of divorce,
I studied through reading.



So, as I read this book I changed my mentality and

customs a little bit so I calmed down.

I will excerpt some of the contents of the book and

summarize the portions that were helpful.



table of contents



The original role of feelings of anger is to inform you that "something is not going well".

To be angry is to be in trouble.



For exanple, You were in trouble because your schedule changed.
You were in trouble because someone broke your rules. etc.
You think that there are many things that you think.



Claims in the customer service industry,
Often troubles will escalate and get angry.


Application example of anger


【An example】


I am annoyed with my mother intervening that "it is not a regular employee" or

"a civil servant."



This is the way to result that you have not infringed the territory inside you.

If you are told as above,
"my mother think so" and "I do not think so if

you think from the mother 's point of view", I will not accept it.



It focuses not on myself being decided but on where mom thought so.


【An example】


I think that there are many things that get irritated when

you are near the angry people frequently.

In such a case,

not to "dislike people" but to change the perception to the "poor person".


【An example】


Sexual harassment that " Give birth to a baby!" Can not be forgiven.



This is a terrible problem remark.



It is not a right in such a time, but appeals the existence of a troubled person.



Rather than making a right claim that a legislator who

made inappropriate remarks should resign,

If a woman who can not lay a baby listens to the remarks, he grieves,

Those who appealed the aspect that there is a person who is in trouble by that,

Many people are sympathized, it becomes easy to be supported.




The original role of feelings of anxiety is to let you know that safety is not secured.

To think about how to reduce anxiety is how to use anxiety correctly.

So it is wrong to think that feeling uneasy as weak evidence as a human being.



It is an emotion that informs us that safety is not secured,
It is strange to add value judgment there.



It is not an emotion that stops every activity,
It is a degree of emotion that we should become cautious.



As long as you have the idea of stopping because you are anxious,
I hear that I can not bring meaningful life.



And, anxiety is often turned into anger.

"You have a small child, are you going home late tonight?"

If you receive this as it is, you will feel blamed.



However, as a wife's mind at this time, he is angry because he is anxious.

Therefore, feelings of anxiety should be conveyed as it is.



"When I take care of a child by myself,

there are times when I become very uneasy and I can relieve to talk with you,

so can you call me such a time?"
If you say so, you will be able to draw out the kindness of your opponent.


Anxiety can be eliminated


For example, when you a date for the first time it will be something like that.

But since I am a very sincere person from the acquaintance of that person,

I hear that it is okay, the anxiety will be relieved.



This is because the unknown is already known.



The alarm that the safety is not secured in the state (unknown)

which does not know anything is ringing,

but in a state (known) to some extent, the alarm does not ring much.



So, try listening to people, actually going to see,
That means that it is an effective means to eliminate anxiety.


Anxiety can not be eliminated


No matter how much you investigate,

such as moving to a new land or enrolling in a new school,
There are things that you do not know what

happens depending on the person you meet on the spot and the situation at that time.



Talk to acquaintances at such times.

Anxiety shrinks when talking to acquaintance.

Anxiety is a universal feeling that everyone of humanity possesses.



"Why is this person anxious about this thing?"
Even if the other party does not understand it,

"I understand the feeling of anxiety.
I also know that it will atrophy when I feel uneasy. "

It should be able to be understood at the level of.




The original role of the emotion of loneliness is

a sign that the inner connection is discontinued.

Points are not external (physical), but internal.



For example, even if there is no family or partner,
The connection can be felt day by day.
Make a small amount of anonymous donation, compassion for disadvantaged children.



Or, thinking "Thank you always" for an apartment that supports your daily life,

try cleaning gently.


Greet a smile to my neighbors.


I appreciate the warmth that the sun gives.



In this way, if you touch yourself gently with the feeling of opening yourself and

giving yourself to people and things, your loneliness will disappear.



Not consciousness to seek a connection,
If you change to consciousness to make a connection people, I can let go of loneliness.



Loneliness is deep emotion related to "alienation".



It makes sense for me to be here.
Some people transcend loneliness with such a feeling.



So, the point is not whether there is an object to be connected,
It is whether my mind is open or not.
As long as my heart is open, It is impossible to taste real alienation.


Sense of guilt


The original role of feelings of guilt is a sign that informs that

you are not thinking of your opponent.



And guilt is a selfish feeling.

Things that I feel sorry for my opponent are not helpful to the other party.

I do not want to go to a drinking party so I lied and canceled and I feel guilty.



Even in this case I am sorry for the partner,
It is not compassionate and not useful.



However, if I say "I do not want to go", I will hurt the other party.



So, in this case, lying is "expedient" to not hurt your opponent.

It should not be "sin".



For example, "did you have a pleasant time" on the next day,
It will become compassion if you direct warm feelings to your opponent.



A lie is used when he is accused,
Expedient is used when you consider your opponent.


I want to realize enlightenment


The most useful thing for being in a normal mind as much as possible is "give attitude".

When it becomes a posture to "other people", the concept of "myself" disappears.

I think this is as close as possible to opening enlightenment.



On the other hand, I think that enlightenment can not be opened as long as

I think about "why I suffer from everything" and "with myself" as the center.


No matter how much you analyze the darkness it will not be light.
But once you hit the light, the darkness will disappear.

I think that "myself" and "a warm heart to others" are in such a relationship.




It's been a long time since I read such books.


Even though I read various books until now,

this book is amazingly surprised as it is easy to read and useful.

I sympathized with the theory theoretically,

so I would like to recommend it especially for those who are theorists!



Thanks to the custom of thinking when it is likely to be emotional,
As a result I feel that irritation and fight have decreased.


With this, divorce can be avoided!